Conversations about sex and sexuality


When I was asked to join my colleague at UNAIDS, to a conference organized by the National Aids Control Council (NACC), I thought it would be like any other conference; people speaking about AIDS and why it should be eradicated, and nothing more than that. But, I witnessed a discussion that I missed having in my adolescence along with millions of other Indians; a discussion about sex, sexuality and other such topics, essential but considered taboo, between a representative group of Adolescent and Young People (AYP), policy makers and the Church. There was wide representation from parents, NACC, civil society organizations, international organizations, families, parents and many more. Kenya ranks third in the highest new HIV infections among young people in the East and Central African region and has an incidence rate of 66,000 per year. The question was simple: how do we reduce the rate of new infections, especially among the AYPs, to reach the goal of less than 18,000 new infections per year, by 2020?

With a representative of the Church firmly refusing to even use the word 'C' of the ABC principle (Abstain, Be faithful, Condoms), I expected a formal lip service to the issue. Instead, what I heard was a very fierce and courageous conversation from the AYPs on the reality of sponsors, stigma, impact of every faction in the society refusing to talk about good touch/bad touch, what happens when both the family and the church refuse to talk about sex, importance of sex education and mentor-ship. When the Minister of Education made standard political comments about the system giving information about sex, and washed his hands off the matter, a young Pastor named Andy intervened powerfully. If parents don't talk about it, the church doesn't either, where and how will children learn about it? Is there a space in our institutions where we can talk about the whys and the whats? Can parents wash their hands off, by merely providing physical necessities but absent emotionally? "There is a difference between helping to grow a child and raising up a child", he said. I was surprised at his candor and courage, and his presence reminded me how important it is for individual citizens to exercise leadership within their spheres of control.

What happens when we as citizens wash our hands off this important issue? For a start, Gender-based-violence (GBV) rates begin to rise. Youth learn about sex from the media or through porn. In Kenya, for instance, women are disproportionately affected by HIV across age groups and in both urban and rural areas. GBV rates are extremely high as well. Nearly 45% of women have experienced physical or sexual violence between the ages 15-49. About 33% of girls and 17% of boys in Kenya are raped by the time they attain 18 years. When the church, an institution that reaches more than 20 million people a week in Kenya, refuses to look at the reality of sexuality and sex education in Kenya, one wonders who will exercise leadership within these institutions and remind the authority figures of their true purpose.

There was another discussion with the AYPs alone and the concept of safety nets was especially highlighted. Given the lack of emotional support from family, they specifically spoke about establishing safety nets for mental health, mentorship and substance addiction, within other institutions. I left the conference with admiration - admiration for the youth for being able to talk and express themselves, for the NACC - for organizing such a session, and for the audience - that was willing to have these uncomfortable conversations.

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