"My son constantly plays video games", the middle-aged man from South Asia named G, said.
"And how does that make you feel?", asked our instructor.
"He doesn't study and he needs to score good marks", he continued.
"Yes, and how does that make you feel?", she asked
"I scold him and then he starts yelling at me", he replied.
"Yes, that's true, that's how you respond to it. How do you feel when he plays video games - happy, sad, frustrated, angry,..?"
And this went on. It was evident that the man was either reluctant to talk about his feelings and sit with them, or this was the first time he had ever been asked that question and he was simply confused.
It was astounding, yet so heart-breaking, as I watch G, and the generations of families before me, struggling to talk about their emotions and feelings. And the impact active disengagement from one's inner emotions has on families, institutions and societies all around us.
What does engagement even mean? Let us try out a simple exercise:
Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
Sit with yourself and ask a question: 'What am I feeling right now?'
And sit with the emotion for 2-3 minutes. Experience it for a few minutes and allow it to flow all over you. Sit with the emotion actively.
Emotions are but signals to how the body feels. There is ample research linking low SEL (socio-emotional learning) with high violence rates in the society. And it's not very difficult to see why! In my own personal experience of having been both a victim and survivor of GbV, denial of emotions plays a highly active role in everything: support from families, victim-blaming, physical and emotional violence, etc.
If I feel frustrated and I do not realize that I feel that way, how do I deal with it? If I feel ashamed of something, and I don't realize it, it comes out in the form of serious harmful actions. When I am unwilling to sit with my emotions and look inside myself, how can I ever think of discussing my prejudices and assumptions about genders and societies? It's impossible!
This reflects even in the nature of conversations we have with one another. Very often, we respond to words, instead of responding to the feeling behind these words. And yet, strong relationships are built on feelings! Businesses partnerships are built on mutual feelings. Very often, final candidates are selected for jobs based on a gut feeling of whether the candidate will work or not. And when one is unwilling to sit with them and experience them, it becomes difficult to question them. And we continue handing the baton of bias and prejudices from one generation to another.
And question them we must. With courage and conviction.
Self-awareness is a virtue that is often under-rated. Awareness of one's inner feeling is the first step to total self-awareness. The one concept science, ancient religions, cultures and values all agree on.
The first step to making this world a safer and just place for everyone.
"And how does that make you feel?", asked our instructor.
"He doesn't study and he needs to score good marks", he continued.
"Yes, and how does that make you feel?", she asked
"I scold him and then he starts yelling at me", he replied.
"Yes, that's true, that's how you respond to it. How do you feel when he plays video games - happy, sad, frustrated, angry,..?"
And this went on. It was evident that the man was either reluctant to talk about his feelings and sit with them, or this was the first time he had ever been asked that question and he was simply confused.
It was astounding, yet so heart-breaking, as I watch G, and the generations of families before me, struggling to talk about their emotions and feelings. And the impact active disengagement from one's inner emotions has on families, institutions and societies all around us.
What does engagement even mean? Let us try out a simple exercise:
Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
Sit with yourself and ask a question: 'What am I feeling right now?'
And sit with the emotion for 2-3 minutes. Experience it for a few minutes and allow it to flow all over you. Sit with the emotion actively.
Emotions are but signals to how the body feels. There is ample research linking low SEL (socio-emotional learning) with high violence rates in the society. And it's not very difficult to see why! In my own personal experience of having been both a victim and survivor of GbV, denial of emotions plays a highly active role in everything: support from families, victim-blaming, physical and emotional violence, etc.
If I feel frustrated and I do not realize that I feel that way, how do I deal with it? If I feel ashamed of something, and I don't realize it, it comes out in the form of serious harmful actions. When I am unwilling to sit with my emotions and look inside myself, how can I ever think of discussing my prejudices and assumptions about genders and societies? It's impossible!
This reflects even in the nature of conversations we have with one another. Very often, we respond to words, instead of responding to the feeling behind these words. And yet, strong relationships are built on feelings! Businesses partnerships are built on mutual feelings. Very often, final candidates are selected for jobs based on a gut feeling of whether the candidate will work or not. And when one is unwilling to sit with them and experience them, it becomes difficult to question them. And we continue handing the baton of bias and prejudices from one generation to another.
And question them we must. With courage and conviction.
Self-awareness is a virtue that is often under-rated. Awareness of one's inner feeling is the first step to total self-awareness. The one concept science, ancient religions, cultures and values all agree on.
The first step to making this world a safer and just place for everyone.
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